When my kids were in preschool, they were assigned giant tote bags that were almost bigger than they were. Each preschool grade had a different color so the bags were easily identifiable. Some families added iron-on patches and designs to make them stand out further and to ensure their kid didn’t mistakenly bring home someone else’s bag. Each day these tiny kids would hoist these giant bags over their shoulders and go off to ‘work.’ I’d say to my littles, “Do you have everything?”

It made sense. Kids seem to need a lot of gear. At this age, ‘gear’ was more likely to mean art projects, library books, a change of clothes in case of accidents, a lunch box, a water bottle, snow boots, snow pants, and other bulky items. The size of the bag made sense, yet it did seem a bit absurd for such a tiny human.

Child wearing hot pink shirt and leggings holding a large, square navy zippered school bag.

That amount of stuff needs a routine + a system.

During those early years it was made explicit by the school, “Please help your child unpack and repack their school bag every single day. Important school-related information may be contained inside.” Fantastic. It’s a seemingly straightforward process, yet one folks quickly tire of due to the details. The year always starts of strong.

For those first several weeks each back-to-school season, the bag comes home fresh. It would get dumped out, and placed ready to go back to school the next day. Sometimes the bag was empty. Sometimes it contained sand, rocks, sticks, and art. Sometimes it contained so much that tears would flow because the snow boots tore the coarse salt snowman project from art class, and the stuffed animal that had been snuck into the school bag and taken to school was now missing.

As the weeks move forward and the newness of school (and the school bag) wears off, kids are more eager to get home and relax than stop at the door and empty their bag. Without a routine, you can end up with ‘surprises’ of gross items later in the week.

I’m a stubborn parent, so I’d make my kids unpack and repack their bags every single day. Yet, with three kids close in age, I’ll be honest, it took a fair amount of energy, patience, and focus. Especially if one or more of us was grumpy or exhausted. If one kid was half day and another full day, the packing and unpacking took on yet another layer. As the default caregiving parent, t was work I felt like I was doing every few hours.

Even the best routine + system can be hard to maintain.

Daily routines like unpacking and re-packing bags are hard to maintain because it relies on adult to remember to initiate the clean out process. It’s hard to maintain because it relies on an adult to have already decided where the items that have been removed from the school bag go in the home. It’s hard to maintain because it relies on an adult to know what items should go back in the bag, to know what’s ahead on the child’s schedule, to remember to check the weather the following day, plus more. It’s an important card to consider though because it translates to how prepared or underprepared one is and can keep anxiety levels manageable.

These are the elements of cognitive labor that parents and partners often underestimate and undervalue.

This gets even more complex and emotionally-laden if you’re co-parenting or divorced, and it’s ‘transition day.’ If your child has after-school activities in addition to school activities, there are more bags and gear. Until kids are in late-elementary school or teenagers, it can feel like you’re the only one carrying the mental load of this daily grind Packing + Unpacking: Local card, yet it’s one card that’s relatively easy to transfer ownership of once the skills are taught.

The more you practice with them, the more capable they become.

My stubbornness - even when grouchy and exhausted - paid off. Kids internalize routine, order, and systems, and the more you walk them through the steps and make explicit why the work is important, the more they recognize they’re capable. Transferring ownership of a task in the Fair Play Method involves teaching others to notice something needs to be done, teaching others how to plan and problem solve along the way, then teaching others to follow through to complete the task to a defined standard,

Five kids sitting on a bench with four multicolored stuffed backpacks on the ground in front of them.

For example, my kids would stop at the door, put their bags down, take off their outside gear and put those items away. The next step became to empty their school bags. As they got older and there was homework, the unpacking and re-packing was done at the kitchen island, or wherever their designated homework spot was. All items came out of their bags before any one specific item was put away. Each step of the process would be completed fully before the next step was taken.

This kept everyone on track rather than getting distracted or items slipping through the cracks. Until they learned to ask themselves the pre-planning questions, I’d scaffold and model the thinking required for the next day. I’d say, “Tomorrow is Wednesday. You have piano. It’s going to be 55 degrees and cloudy. What else do you need for the day?” I’d encourage them to think through their day, anticipate, and plan. Again, these are some of the elements of the mental load required to successfully prepare to go out into the world the following day.

It’s not magic. It’s cognitive labor.

The Packing + Unpacking: Local card can be held by any responsible person in the household because it mirrors the work they’re doing for themselves each day. You’re also preparing yourself for the next day: planning your clothing, planning your lunch, planning your gear. Your partner is too. So once you collectively decide on the household minimum standard for this task, swapping who’s teaching and modeling this skill can be seamless.

Duplicating this work for the young people in your home doesn’t require much extra effort and can be done side-by-side, if needed. By making what’s happening in your head visible to them, packing and unpacking becomes a visible, tangible task even young children can understand. Tell them what you’re thinking. Show them what to do. Have them tell you what they’re thinking. Watch them walk through what to do.

Expect them to make mistakes and forget something… just like you do. It’s part of the learning process.

You’re more organized than you think, and by having someone in the home take the time to support kids in this way, this card will soon be off your task list and onto theirs instead.

Interested in how The Fair Play Method can make a difference in your home?
Learn more + connect with me here.