My dad had the green thumb in our family. To this day, he still holds a deep appreciation for a well-manicured lawn. When I was growing up in West Virginia, he’d have me help him keep the front walk and garden beds clear of weeds. I’d spend the mornings playing in the dirt, pulling weeds out by the roots, getting curious about the comings and goings of various insects… It was work, and it was a form of connection for us.

However, my dad never taught me to mow the grass. That was my older brother’s job. (And now that I reflect, a common example of generations of gendered division of household labor.) My brother Zach started first with the push lawn mower, then, when we moved to a property that say on more than an acre, he learned how to drive the John Deere. Mowing the lawn became one way he contributed to caring for our home. Zach went on to offer mowing services to our neighbors, on occasion, and I carried a low level of envy for his tractor skills.

My husband, on the other hand, grew up in the city of Boston. He’s not much of a nature lover. For the last 20 years of our marriage, we’ve neither owned outdoor lawn equipment nor have we managed our own grass. We’ve always hired the care of our lawn out and built the expense into our budget.

I’m sure I could’ve taught myself to mow.

I love being outside, especially in the warmer months. Having grown up in the country, I feel good surrounded by green things, sticks and branches, trees and plants. I enjoy the sounds, and I enjoy the smells. Yet, I decided early on in our relationship it wasn’t a card I wanted to pick up. Storing and maintaining outdoor equipment would’ve been a necessary part of holding the card, but riding a John Deere wasn’t that attractive to me.

Just because you are capable of doing something, doesn’t mean you have to be the one to do it.

Hiring help = managing help = work.

Any home-related task that you decide to outsource will save you time. You’ll shift from having to do the task to having to manage the person or company taking over for you. These days there are plenty of review sites where you can get valuable feedback on service providers.

Many of us also seek reviews from peers, friends, and colleagues too. This is one form of emotional labor - building relationships with others to gain useful knowledge and support - and these bonds benefit both the families outsourcing services and the service providers. If you’re the holder of the Lawn + Plants card, researching and interviewing potential outdoor maintenance companies is your responsibility. Be sure to talk explicitly about expectations around quality and your minimum standard with the daily Money Manager so that you don’t over-invest in unnecessary services. Coordinate with Calendar Keeper to identify what times work best to have the work completed.

Overall, the number of minutes and brain space dedicated to lawn care will decrease with outsourcing, but don’t expect them to disappear completely. Hiring help requires coordination, attention, and follow up to ensure that all moves forward smoothly. I did this administrative work, and my husband gave input during the planning phase.

Don’t forget the seasonal tasks.

Whether you’re doing the work yourself or outsourcing, talk through all the parts of the Lawn + Plants card with your partner to ensure you hit all the essential details. Outline your minimum standard around snow removal and salting (frequency, who’s responsible for shoveling, buying + sprinkling the salt), sprinklers, cleaning the gutters or covering the outdoor faucets.

These details are easy to forget, and no one likes a randomly assigned task (RAT). Thinking through and talking about what your property ensures that everyone gets a say. My husband was clear: he’d prefer to outsource than to do the work. I could do the work; I didn’t want to. It’s not about gender. It’s about deciding what matters to your home and talking through what the workload entails.

Tall, green snake plant in the corner of a carpeted stairway. Two Japanese wall hangings nearby.

Bring the beauty inside, if it brings you joy.

Something I did want was to see nature inside my house. For several years I took charge of learning about what plants worked best in high light, in low light, and which ones were relatively easy to care for. I visited the nursery. I bought a handful of large houseplants, ceramic pots, and potting soil. I found a way to get them home. I loved them as much as they would allow.

My friend Hannah and I chatted and connected about our plant adventures during our catch up calls. We laughed as some plants survived and some ended up over or under watered. This was work I wanted to do. It was enjoyable, and brought an air of warmth and texture into our home.

Adapt the Fair Play Method and its cards to suit your home and lifestyle. If you’re a city dweller, you might be gardening on your balcony or via a windowsill. If you’re sitting on acres, this card looks totally different. Some folks may quickly eliminate this card from their pile altogether.

Underneath it all, though, is knowing what you want and why you and/or your partner cares about making it happen.

Thanks for joining me for #fairplayfriday. Be sure to grab your set of downloadable Fair Play cards .