You are Not Your Stuff
“This is probably the most stuff you’ve ever seen. It’s a lot, isn’t it?” This is one of the most common things clients say when I arrive for an in-home consultation. I get it. Inviting a stranger into the private spaces of your home can be uncomfortable. It can feel like you’re exposing your secrets and all the bits and pieces of your life’s journey. You’re unsure of where to turn, where to start, and if it’s even possible to make choices about the quantity of items that you own. You may be feeling overwhelmed, anxious, confused, or simply looking for guidance. This is totally normal. Know that I as I enter your home, I see you; and in my mind, you are not your stuff.
How I Help
Spinning wheel, passed down through my mother’s family.
Professional organizers recognize that part of the challenge is making the initial phone call to ask for support. Most homeowners think that they’ll make time to get organized “someday.”
They’ll let go of excess when the kids are older, when they have the time, or when they’re ready to move.
You become accustomed to the quantity of items in your home and see it as a manageable project that you can tackle on your own. But still you put it off. There’s a voice in your head that recognizes that the process may be less fun, more difficult, and more of a physical or emotional challenge than you initially thought.
You look around and begin to the stories attached to each item. Some of the stories are insignificant, some are heartbreaking, some are funny, but each item has a tale, and as a collection it can feel overwhelming.
As an organizer, I’m an objective observer. I’m a solver of puzzles and their accompanying problems. I don’t have the same emotional attachment to the items in your home. This is one reason why hiring a professional is valuable. We’re trained to be efficient, listen hard, and separate you from your stuff.
I see the objects in your home in a neutral way. My role is not to tell you exactly what to keep, toss, or donate, but to help you come to an understanding about what matters to you most right now.
There are items from your past that you’ll want to hold onto, and that’s okay.
But the decluttering process is not 100% about the past, nor is it 100% about what you currently own. I guide and remind you to think about the future as well. Making decisions about what’s important now is tied to recognizing that there’s more life to live. Creating space to grow is essential component of our time together.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Some of us are more sentimental and tied to the past than others. There’s no right way of being. Just like other creatures, we’re compelled to own objects, possess them, store them, and claim them. Certain items bring us pride, others are utilitarian. Each object has a story about how we came across it and how it was acquired. (“It was 70% off! Can you believe it?”) These stories tie us to a moment in time and help weave the web of our lives.
The objects and their stories ground us. They make us feel real. They make us feel like we’ve been somewhere, known someone, or have overcome a difficult obstacle. This is one reason letting an item go can be more of a challenge than you thought.
You see stuff. I see possibility.
My home décor is a made up of a variety of family heirlooms. I enjoy genealogy and spent a few years investigating as far back as I could.
My father’s side of the family was enslaved in Virginia. My mother’s side traveled from Germany and the Netherlands. They brought furniture with them, and several of these items are still intact.
I have a spinning wheel in my front foyer and a German Bible from the late 1700s. My mother has shared that the spinning wheel has never been broken/needed repair in its 200+ years of existence.
Its story is one of many homes and many generations. (My own children have heard mild threats about not knocking it over for fear of breaking the wheel.) The spinning wheel is special to me because of its story; it connects me to my ancestors in a tangible way. However, it’s just an object. The family connection is what’s important.
For you, the sticky story may be one of financial value. Perhaps you invested in a piece of equipment or fancy clothing. You’ve found that the equipment (let’s say a juicer) is more work than you thought, and it’s been relegated to the back of the pantry. It’s big, bulky, and has lots of parts.
You bought it to encourage more healthy eating and to compliment a goal of being more mindful about your diet. The habit never formed; you hesitate to let it go because it’s worth something and maybe someday you’ll decide to use it. It can be uncomfortable admitting to oneself that the purchase was a good idea on which you didn’t follow through.
The same is true with an expensive item of clothing. A gorgeous suit represents your life as a full-time corporate working woman before having children. Perhaps it no longer fits or is outdated, or perhaps you’ve switched careers. It can be a challenge to pass the suit on because of the relationship you have to who you once were.
This story is embedded in the suit and creates emotional complexity when deciding whether you should continue holding onto it. The story you tell yourself is that maybe you’ll one day go back to a full-time corporate career.
These stories are not inconsequential. However, they are the unseen strings that tether you to your stuff. These stories appear deeply interwoven to who you are as a human, as a mother, as a life partner, as an employee, as a daughter, a traveler, as an athlete, as an intellectual.
Our possessions are manifestations of all of these components of ourselves and our larger family. We naturally – but mistakenly – believe that they are part of us. Without the object (and its story) we may forget a loved one and fail to honor their memory. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t let go of the larger size of clothing because we may one day regain the weight. Without the photo of the horrible car wreck, we may forget how we survived something so awful. Without the decorative mask, we may not truly have traveled to the far away place.
Your stuff is not who you are. The quantity of items that you own is not a barrier to who you will become. Yes, your stuff is a collection of choices, and a collection of memories. But it is not YOU.
You are the person who’s moved through life, done the hard things, showed up for those you loved, and the person who’s headed forward. And I am the person who will untangle the web and help you see that holding onto every object is not required to be YOU.
Do you struggle with letting go? I can help. Book a free exploration call here.
