When my kids were little, I didn’t think that I’d be the one to teach them to drive. I guess my memories of my dad teaching me to drive somehow translated in my mind to my husband teaching my kids to drive. We often repeat what we see. Yet, this imagining was long before I had learned about The Fair Play Method, and its approach to breaking down home management tasks into individual cards. I hadn’t yet realized that I was the holder of the Auto Card in our family of five. Beep, beep! I’d been holding this card ever since the age of 15 when I got my first Jeep, and as a result, I ended up being the default driving teacher in our home.

Birds Eye view of a car driving with lush green trees surrounding each side of the road.

Getting wheels means lots of responsibilities.

Owning or leasing an automobile comes with a ton of invisible responsibilities. They begin the day you first learn to drive. I was reminded of all of these responsibilities last year when my eldest daughter became a driver. Navigating the “learn to drive” program in Michigan wasn’t 100% straightforward, and as the holder of the Auto Card, I had to lean on my community of friends with older children to navigate what was needed.

There were online driving classes, in person driving classes, at home practice driving classes, logging daytime hours, logging nighttime hours, talking to the insurance companies, and practicing safety protocols. I pass along a fair amount of work to my kiddos and encourage them to step up and contribute as much as possible, yet the holder of the Auto Card has to engage fully during this initial year of drivers’ training.

Something can always go wrong.

No matter how “good” of a driver you are, something can always go wrong with a vehicle and with the driving process. I had a handful of accidents in my teen years. I’ve blown tires, had dead batteries, and needed a tow service. My husband, much less so. Having a roadside assistance plan has always been a staple of our budget, and we’ve gotten our money’s worth. Keeping the plan current is thankfully quite easy, and I was more than thrilled when having a backup plan was discussed with my teen. We’ve regularly discussed with her that something will inevitably go wrong, and the best preparation is knowing what to do in an auto emergency. The holder of the Auto Card is responsible for creating the plan and teaching others what to do when something inevitably goes wrong.

Getting pulled over for any type of infraction is quite nerve wracking.

We’ve also had discussions around the appropriate protocol in this situation. This is another deeper layer of emotional labor involved in driving a car, alongside of the general worry about your young person’s safety while driving. Keeping the car’s registration and insurance up to date is essential, and as Black family, having these documents easily accessible in an empty glove compartment is a given. Making sure everyone is wearing their seatbelt and that phone calls are always hands-free are other minor details the holder of the Auto Card is responsible for emphasizing. Sadly, these aspects of car ownership have blossomed into a larger safety issue.

Handling parking tickets in a timely manner is another such lesson.

New teenage driver of color smiling, leaning out the window of car with car keys around her finger.

Maintenance is ongoing.

After my daughter had been driving for a year, we decided to pass on our Subaru to her. One of the first activities was making an appointment to get new tires. Together, we made the appointment, made her the point of contact, and discussed the options of new tires that were presented at the service check up. I taught her what questions to ask and how to engage with the dealership to make the process as smooth as possible.

Scaffolding lessons is part of the Auto Card.

It wasn’t until thought through this card did I realize how much goes into it. Because I’ve been holding onto the card for so long, I’d internally automated so many of the details. I’ve taught my daughter how to get the oil changed, go through the car wash, when to fill up the tank, and how to maintain the tires, lights, and wiper blades and more. On her own she’s learned to dig the car out of the snow, scrape the windshield, and protect the wiper blades. I’m sure I’ll give her general advice when it comes to purchasing or leasing her first vehicle too.

There are probably aspects of this card I’ve left out, including handling a major accident and navigation the insurance process. I also didn’t even mention the stress of researching car seats, having them properly installed, and the emotional labor of deciding when one child has outgrown their safety seat.

The holder of the Auto Card takes on quite an invisible load. Be willing to pass it off to your partner, on occasion, to give yourself a break from the numerous aspects involved. Explicitly teach your teen drivers as many of these aspects as possible so that they feel truly independent and prepared for the freedom they’ll get. Remember, the reward of having an other licensed driver is high, but the mental load is sizable.

Feel free to check out my podcast episode where I break down car ownership from an organizing perspective.

Listen to “How to Declutter and Organize Your Car” and share your feedback.